I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
