her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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