Do you still have your period?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
