Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
