I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
