I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
