I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
