Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
