Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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