Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
