i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
God I need to hump something, right now.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
