chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
