i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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