the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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