i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
