If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
