I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
pray to the hookup gods
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
