Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
