I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
