The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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