How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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