sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
