there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
