Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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