I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
