He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
