Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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