oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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