Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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