someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
