Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
