Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
