she looked like the bat from fern gully.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
