Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
