I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
