how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
