just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
