DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
