Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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