would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
