Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
