it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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