it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
