He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
