so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
