A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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