hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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