You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
