I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
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