Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
