i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
